It’s been just me and my Mom since I was about seven or eight. My father left a couple years prior, my brother and sister headed off to college within a year of each other, and it was just us from then until I graduated high school. In that time we moved once and I switched schools twice. We’ll call father leaving Break Zero, then the 8th grade move where I left all my middle and elementary school friends behind Break One. Now let’s go to college.
Had a roommate freshman semester, switched to a single on North Campus Winter term. I don’t really even remember why: I stayed friends with my roommate for a long time and stood up at his wedding — maybe this was the first sign I shouldn’t really share space with a person. Hm. North Campus through Winter semester sophomore year when I got kicked out. That’s as good a place as any to mark Break Two.
This one’s tricky. I went from the dorm to living with my freshman semester roommate. No I didn’t. I went from the dorm to living with [Editor’s Note — This is not within the scope of this blog post] until I got a place of my own. This began a series of Ann Arbor apartments over the next five years taking me through several major breakups one arrest and two firings culminating in my move to Detroit. Break Three.
We don’t have to dwell on these — five years in Detroit, finished my undergraduate education, got fired, moved to DC. Break Four.
Five years in DC yikes then off to Seattle whoops never mind back to Detroit. I’ll count that whole end part as one — Break Five. There’s a bunch of getting fired and dumped in there but whatever.
This post has lost focus…OK I see I’m talking about why I don’t have any strong connections. OK I’m back; I’ll go back and fill in some of these later….
This brings us to modern (post-COVID) history. Shortly before COVID I moved from downtown Detroit to West Bloomfield with the hopes of building a home and community and finally finding some semblance of stability. That didn’t work out so well. After three years clawing my way back to Oakland County here I am.
At one point during any of this would anyone be reasonably expected to create and maintain any sort of long-term relationship, romantic or otherwise? Of course no one knows me: I am always the New Kid, the Outsider, the FNG, the Contractor, the Consultant, the New Hire, the Transplant, the Experienced Hire, New From Industry, Leaving Consulting For Industry. Always something setting me apart.
We discussed Social Identity Theory at great length this weekend and how westerners specifically and Americans uniquely pride themselves on independence and individuality yet can’t wait to self-stratify themselves into in-groups at the first opportunity.
I’ve never had an in-group.
I think it’s too late.